Relating to romantic people

Relating to romantic people

As an aromantic person, I have never understood the appeal of romance. Sure, chocolates and flowers are nice enough but feeling obliged to be with one person predominantly is a bit tiresome. The feelings that accompany the gifts can feel suffocating and oppressive, and the rituals and rules around romance are completely mystifying.

So it’s safe to say that I often cannot relate to my friends and family when they are excited about a wedding or a proposal or a new relationship. And I often worry that I pull a face when they talk about these things but, if I do, it is mostly because I am confused.

I try to hide those bewildered reactions but I suspect they sneak through, and I don’t want those I love to think that I disapprove of their plans or that I don’t care that they are happy and in love.

Marriage, for an aromantic person, is just like particle physics

The way I think of it is to imagine a friend telling me that they have decided to go to university to study particle physics. I know nothing about particle physics, I can’t think of much that sounds more boring, and I have no idea what they are getting themselves into. I might even pull a shocked-and-confused face when I hear their news.

BUT I trust that they have made the right decision for themselves, I am excited that they are going to do something they really feel passionate about, and I am ready and keen to support them on the inevitable difficult days.

It’s the same with relationships. If you’re getting married, I don’t understand it and it doesn’t appeal to me at all. But if I love you, I want you to do what you want to do, and how it would feel for me to do that thing is entirely irrelevant.

I’m happy that you’re happy, so bring out some champagne.